Wednesday, April 20, 2011

While We Wait

Most people say that the last six months of a mission are easier for the girl at home because time passes so quickly, but that has not been my experience so far. Actually, all in all waiting for a missionary is not easy -- ever.
I feel the need to express my feelings and experiences as of late. If you are contemplating waiting for a missionary, let me ask you to stop and think for a moment. If you are not ready for daily mood swings, many, many tears, doubting your feelings on a regular basis, anxiety, fear, moments of elation followed by moments of depression, then waiting for a missionary may not be for you.
I know that my experience is unique, and not shared by all. These past eighteen and a half months have been quite the roller coaster. Some days I am reminded how much I love Justin and that he is doing the right thing, and another six months is no big deal. But then there are other days when I wonder what I am waiting for, because I can't remember what it's like to be with him. Sometimes -- especially lately -- our pre-missionary courtship is a distant dream, so much so that I feel as if I have made it all up. Of course I know that I love Justin, and our relationship is incredibly strong, and very different from others. But, that doesn't mean that I am immune to doubt and a lot of worries. I find lately that I don't judge some girls as harshly as I used to who don't wait the full two years. It's hard! I know that I can make it another 166 days, but it's really wearing me down.
On a more uplifting note, my heart has been buoyed up by the love that people express to Justin. He was transferred this week, and almost immediately after I updated his facebook status to say that he would in Yucca Valley and training again, there were many comments wishing him luck and many saying that he would be missed in the La Sierra Ward (in Riverside). He's such a special guy, and I am happy to know that others see that too.

{June 2008}

Why can't all missions be eighteen months?!


Lori A. said...

Hey Beanie
I could say I feel your pain or I know what it's like because I waited for two years too but that would be a lie. I know what it was like for me but that is as close as it gets. What I can say is that I know you and where your weary heart lies. And also that you have what it takes and it will be worth it. It's okay to question and wonder--that's your human side showing. But then there is your pitbull side that is determined and steady. That is the side that will win out.

Lynn said...

I think my mom would say the same thing your mom just did. ; D I loved hearing the stories from both my parents of how they waited while dad was busy serving the Lord. It was really hard somedays for my mom. But she did it!