Monday, November 14, 2011

Ramblings and epiphanies

I think I just had a slight epiphany about myself and how others see me. In some ways I may come across as someone who is always jumping the gun. I jump to conclusions daily, and am always planning for future events. I can also be very impulsive and sometimes say something without thinking about it clearly in my head. I've realized also that I am not very good at expressing myself in speaking. Sometimes it is very difficult for me to share what I am feeling in my heart and place it into words. Often the feelings that I have are inexpressible or so deep that words wouldn't do them justice. For this reason, I think I may come across as if I have not thought my decisions out thoroughly or am making decisions based on other opinions. Sometimes I do make decisions based on other opinions. For instance, if Christopher tells me he likes a certain sweater or the smell of my hair products, I am definitely more likely to wear that sweater when I see him or buy that specific hair product. Though I may give into trends and other opinions very easily on little things, I am not one to do so with big life decisions. When it comes to big decisions that will have huge impact on my life, I do not take them lightly. With things like that, I tend to think and think and think, then think some more. I don't know if you know this, but I am one prone to pondering. I like to think all options out. I like to know the pros and cons. I like to observe the experiences of others and internalize how that would work in my life. I know that I don't know everything (now you have it in writing mom). But, I do know that I know better what is going on in my heart and mind better than others. Though I am very stubborn about making decisions for myself, I am thankful for the wisdom and guidance I am given by my loving family and good friends. It is really a wonderful think to know that I am loved by so many people. Sometimes, or more like all times, I am not very good at taking advice. I am really stubborn. But then sometimes after I have time to process, I can see how such wisdom can help me. Saying that, I have also come to realize that I need to trust myself. I need to trust my heart, trust the promptings of the spirit always, and do what I need to do for me, and somehow mingle what I think is best with what third party eyes see as better. Growing up is way more complicated than I ever thought it would be.


Kendra said...

"Growing up is way more complicated than I ever thought it would be."
amen sister! Wait until your not only making decisions for yourself, but for your hubs, and kids to :)

M said...

Blog more, your loyal fans miss you girl!