Sunday, October 23, 2011

"Two years is a long time"

"Two years is a long time". "People change".
Over and over I heard these words, and over and over I ignored them.
When my boyfriend of nearly two years left for his mission to California, I knew that there were a lot of unknowns in our future. But that didn't matter for me at that time because there were two knowns: we loved each other, and he needed to serve a mission.
Now that I look back on it, I realize that at that time I exercised the most faith I ever have in my life. I knew that two years would be hell. I knew that I would be lonely. I knew that I would have a lot of opposition. But I also couldn't ignore the comfort that I received daily. For a lot of that time, I honestly felt like I was carried through my trials. There were many nights spent crying myself to sleep, many days questioning my decisions.
I was committed, and willing to see it through. But then things gradually started to change. I didn't share my feelings with a lot of people because I was really confused, and for a lot of the time I didn't know how to express my feelings. And also, it really wasn't anyone's business.
With everything that I have been through in the last four months, I have realized that my feelings and plans two years ago were not misguided or unreal. At that time I really knew what I wanted. I acted with faith knowing that Heavenly Father would bless me with the desire of my heart. I just didn't know then that His plan was slightly different from my plan.  Not better, just different.
I have been given a lot of advice from some very well meaning people that just want me to be happy. I am thankful for the support that I have in that regard. I also have been able to see how important my own agency and the ability that I have to choose for myself. I have learned that despite good intentions of others, I am the only one that really knows my own mind and my situation. With some help from my Heavenly Father, I know that I can be guided to the best decisions possible.
I have learned a lot these past two years. I went through trials that I know will help me in my life. I had very unique opportunities that have helped to shape me into the woman I am today and the woman I am still becoming.
I really don't regret how my life has played out. I really do feel that everything happened the way it did for a reason. I feel like in some ways, I know those reasons, but I also know that I won't find out until the eternities. But, until then, I am happy with knowing the little bits that I do know. 
Yes, two years is a long time and yes, people change. I know that now. 

1 comment:

Laura Beth said...

Well put K.Beth. I am happy that you are happy. You are a great girl :)