One year ago

I have a lot of thoughts and emotions going on right now. It's hard to explain. I'm happy and excited, yet sad too. Those aren't the right words, but they'll do for now. 

One year ago today, Justin and I said goodbye for two years so that he could go on his mission. Three-hundred and sixty-five days ago, I gave my love one last kiss and one last hug before I said "see you in two years" (I actually did say that). 

A year. Wow. It's strange to think that a year ago, I was in such physical pain (yes, it was not just emotional) that I didn't think I could survive. I saw no end. I remember the many, many tearful nights and the awful letters that I wrote to Justin those first few weeks. I remember the extreme anxiety I went through that first week. It was horrible. I knew I was doing the right thing, but I had no idea how I would make it another day. But, then I did. Day by day I survived. It was a survival. Even now, after a year of separation, I still feel the pain and the anxiety, but it's not as sharp as it was then. I still miss Justin every single day, and I will for the next year too. 

But, after a year of being apart, I have been able to see immense growth in Justin and in myself as well. We have grown together as a couple in a way that wouldn't be possible if he were living here for the last year. We have grown in the gospel, and I think that has been the most important thing. We have both realized the need to rely on our Heavenly Father and turn to Him in prayer often. We have also each gained a deeper appreciation for the Scriptures, especially the Book of Mormon. It warms my heart every time Justin tells me about his encounters with the scriptures. 

I've mentioned this many, many times, but it's true that our love has deepened this past year, even while we've been apart. 

In ten days, we will reach the official one year mark of Justin's mission. I am so excited! I am psyched to see this next year fly by! I need it to! For my sanity, and for those that live with me too. 

As Justin reminded me last week, "the best is yet to come!" And I am so excited to see my man again!