At times, it is very difficult for me to express myself while speaking. The words are there in my head, and it makes sense to me, but then I say it to someone else and it turns into something completely different from the original thought in my head.
This happened tonight -- just minutes ago, actually. I was trying to express an honest feeling of mine, and it was taken as being a selfish thing -- which is not was I was trying to share.
So, I guess rather than be vague and pointless, I will share my feelings, because I need an outlet for them right now.
I miss being a part of a couple. Yes, Justin and I are still boyfriend and girlfriend, but with him being far away in California, and being a missionary, being a "couple" is kind of difficult. We don't go on dates, and he isn't here -- which honestly sucks. Having a married sister, and a brother who is also in a relationship, I feel a little out of the loop because I can't do couple things with them. I still have really great relationships with my siblings (in fact, Marni and I have become closer since she got married), but I still feel left out of some things now because my other half is gone for another eleven (and a half) months. Does that make sense? I'm just feeling a little on the outs tonight and wishing that my man were here to hang out with me tonight.
But, let me end by saying that I am happy with my life. I love my family, and am so, so blessed to have the good friendships that I have with them. I know that it is my choices that led me to where I am today, and I take full responsibility for that, realizing that by choosing this path, I will receive greater blessings in the (near) future. I know this. But, I am still prone to these feelings. Anyhow, that's my two cents for the evening.
Goodnight.
xo